Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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