Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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