No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
