Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
