i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
