He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Randomize
