Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
