i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
