Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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