meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
