Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
