I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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