Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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