His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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