Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
