im six kinds of drunk right now
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
