I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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