I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
