If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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