you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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