I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Is it because I queefed?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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