Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
