He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
