It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
