I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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