When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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