At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
