One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
