Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
