I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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