My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
