So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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