Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You may now shotgun with the bride
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
