they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
