Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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