He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
