I'm jealous of your bromance
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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