2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
