I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I need a beard to bite.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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