just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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