I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Michael Bay diarrhea
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
