Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
