If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
my liver is dry heaving
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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