Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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