Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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