got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
