Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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