His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
