Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
