Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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