Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
