Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
