that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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