were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
