my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize