His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
