she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
