I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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