How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
