i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
