Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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