We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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