how can u be prego again
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
