You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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