life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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