just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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