Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
