WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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