Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
