3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Randomize
