Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
