Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
